I HAVE JUST FOUND A WORM IN MY YARN! THERE IS A WORM INSIDE ONE SKEIN OF YARN IN MY BASKET! A REAL WORM...SITTING IN MY PURE COTTON PINK TWISTER YARN! A WORM!!!! IN MY YARN!!! WHITE WORM! PINK YARN!!!!
DO I SOUND AS THOUGH I'M FREAKING OUT?? THAT’S BECAUSE I AM!!!!!!!!
And, NO, I won't turn off the CAPS LOCK because I'm still screaming!!!!!
Why did I have to find a WORM in my yarn? I don't know anyone who has ever found a WORM in a skein of yarn! I don't know anyone who actually has any yarn at home but that doesn't change the fact that there are no evidences of a WORM living in a skein of yarn besides this one, DOES IT????!
Since when do WORMS like cotton yarn? Do they like cotton? What could they possibly do with it? WHAT WAS HE DOING THERE????? Was he eating it? Or wearing it? He can't wear a skein of yarn before I knit it, how stupid can he be? DOES HE, MAYBE, THINK HE IS A SILKWORM???? A COCOON? OOOOHHHHH, great- not only have I found a WORM in my yarn but HE is also schizophrenic!!!! A maniac !!!! May I just say he was completely naked when I found HIM??? Exposing himself like that in front of an innocent, fine young lady (ME) like that ?!!!?!!!?!!?!!!!!?!!!!!!
And how the hack did he get in there????? I know, he probably got there 4 months ago when I had to leave the basket with that skein out on my balcony for a few days but:
FIRST OF ALL: I live on the 8th floor and, there are no WORMS up here. There has never been a single WORM here. Plus, the basket was on a very high shelf- how did he manage to climb up there in just 3 days? Since when does a WORM walk so swiftly??? Did HE drop out of a plane??? Into my yarn????????????
SECOND (OF ALL) : I don't live on the 8th floor- I don't even know that much any more! I I live on the 6th floor. I think! Well, it's high, anyway!!!!
THIRD: that basket has been inside the house since then!!!! How did he manage to survive? Do worms like heated houses? Or is HE some kind of a freak. A WARM WORM or something like that???? Does he have a family???? (I don't recall anyone paying the rent recently!!!!)
FOURTH( I guess): How long do they live?????
And how should I take this- as a massage? Why did it have to happen to me of all people????? Is it something like when you find a worm in an apple? «If it's good for a worm than it is certainly good for a man»! Is that it? Is this because I've been refusing to use this yarn for more than two years and because I'm still angry with myself for choosing pink over burgundy??? Is that what this is about? Is HE suggesting that PINK was a better choice after all??? WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS??????? A fashion adviser ????? I don't need some WORM to tell me which colour looks better on me!!!!!!!!
I threw that skein out on the balcony! I had to take a walk. Or shoot myself.
Someone found it outside while I was away. And decided to put it back into my room! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
It's outside again! They're both outside. That WORM and his skein. He can have it. I don't want it anymore. He can eat it, if he wants to! He can wear it! He can knit it...I couldn’t care less! I'll even give him two needles!
AND, N.O., I DIDN'T TAKE ANY PHOTOS!!! Do you want to know what it looked like- find a picture of a WORM on the Internet and than take a picture of a skein of yarn. Now open your Photoshop and blend these two pictures together! You think it looks weird??? Well, you bet it is weird!!!
I HATE THAT WORM! And now all sorts of animals protection organizations will be after me for saying this and expressing my hostility towards animals! Really???? WELL, WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO- TO TAKE A WORM WHO THINKS HE IS A SILKWORM TO A PSYCHIATRIST??? To pay for HIS therapy??? Do you think writing this makes me happy? I wanted this blog to be a place for constructive thoughts and now I am forced to publish a severely destructive post that will probably be labelled as politically incorrect!!! Well, mind you- I LOVE ANIMALS! I love dogs! Tigers! Bears! Penguins... And I would LOVE to find a penguin in one of my baskets some day! I'd even make him a nice scarf! I'd let him pick the yarn he likes! Adopt him! Feed him! Oh, but, NOOOO- I had to find a WORM! I never get what I want, do I?
End of transmission!